They give yoga pants a bad name

Ladies, I have a question. When did the world run out of pants for women? I mean they still have some right? You know, the kind with buttons, zippers, and pockets? Or were they outlawed and I missed the memo?

I don’t hate yoga pants. I really don’t. I won’t let my daughter wear them but that’s me. I just find it strange that I am pretty sure that every women I have ever seen in yoga pants probably doesn’t do yoga. They just wear the yoga pants. Seriously, what’s wrong with real pants?

There are these 4 ladies that come in to one of the Starbucks I frequent always wearing yoga pants. They are usually together with at the most one of them missing. They are all in their late 20’s or early 30’s, all very pretty, and none of them do yoga (they look too damn stuffy and tense to be doing yoga). They go in the mornings looking lightly flushed from whatever exercise they were doing, and then each one of them orders a 1 billion calorie iced caramel coffee to undo whatever headway they might have made just minutes before during their exercise.

I have a rep for being straight forward so I am not going to let up now. Those damn things are too tight. How tight? Let me put it like this. If these 4 women walked into a bank to rob the place and all of them wore those yoga pants and masks to cover their faces, – all the eyewitnesses could still identify them in a vaginal line-up.

Yep, I said it. 

blinking meme

But that’s not even their story. Not even close. I have never seen 4 women together that seem to show such complete disregard or disdain for each other.

Let’s call them Carol, Karen, Jennifer, and Julie. None of them work. Their hands are too manicured and their attitude says that no one can tell them what to do. They are all married and their husbands are business owners or otherwise make a butt load of money. They seem bored with life and family and seem to get together at Starbucks for no other reason other than they have nothing else to do. At least 2 of them have kids (Pandora bracelet), one of them had cancer (chemo port scar upper left chest), and 3 of them had plastic surgery (not Julie).

After they get their drinks they just sit there and chat for about an hour. I’m never close enough to hear them over the noise, but they don’t seem that interested in their own conversation. They are mostly glued to their Iphones. Every once in a while one of them gets a phone call and they will either answer while at their table or answer and step away. Of all of them Carol takes the least calls on her phone. I noticed though then when she did she stayed at the table, unless Julie was at the table, then she sometimes would need to walk out and take the call outside while the other 2 (not Julie) give each other awkward looks. At all other times when Julie did not show Carol stayed at the table to take all her calls.

Based on the facial expressions of everyone during these calls Carol has a secret boyfriend. She seems only concerned that Julie not know it. The other 2 ladies are fine toward Julie except during these calls where Carol walks away. Julie does not notice anything. Which is sad, since Carol is having an affair with her husband.

Not a unique story by any means.

Relationships are complicated. I by no means judge the married couples. They have a lot to lose when they cheat. There is a lot invested in these relationships. But that is a subject for another post.

I do judge and don’t like groups like this. They don’t need to exist. Why create a friendly social group of women who do not seem to share a single truth between them? Why be with people you do not care enough be honest with? I wonder sometimes if people know how to be friends anymore. I really do.

Their little friend circle is like their yoga pants, – transparent, suffocating, unhealthy, and unattractive.

P. S. – This post is a re-post from another series of stories I write on another website. The series is titled “People of Starbucks”. It’s a series of stories based totally on observations of people at Starbucks. I will probably transfer a few of them over here over time.

P.P.S. – Who am I kidding I love yoga pants! (I dont’ wear them. You figure it out. )

12 thoughts on “They give yoga pants a bad name

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  1. I. couldn’t. agree. with. you. more!! Just this morning I said to a friend as we showed upto our favorite breakfast place if there were any yoga pant clad peeps waiting by the door, we need to go someplace else. Talk about superficial, self-important, and overly entitled millennials. Yeah, I said it. And yes, I am old. Now…everybody get off my lawn! 😊Grrr.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. My pleasure. For a moment I thought you had been hanging in my hood. EVERY 20-30 something wears those hideous things and just because they make ’em in the large economy size, doesn’t mean you should wear them! 😈

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I had to google yoga-pants and ended up confused but got it in the end. Here in South America they are called “mallas” and are used by women to exercise, all it entitles, even pole-dancing. I laughed bitterly because I’ve been visiting the sport-stores for 6 months and they only have those mallas for us girls, even the old ones, which has me desperate, I don’t like them, I’m a fan of black sweatpants.
    You are from a different reality, I know, but I wonder if we (women) aren’t being pushed that direction somehow, yogapanting us.
    And about that group, they seem to have a lot in common, disdain for some of the best moments in life (AKA laughing with friends), coffee (since they put too many things on it to actually know how it tastes) and comfortable pants.
    Keep sharing ;P


  3. I’m so glad to know I’m not alone! Not only in the fact that I think yoga pants reveal WAY too much (I mean, heck, just go naked, you know?) but that I love to watch groups of people in public and figure out the dynamics. From what you have written, I think your assessment is correct. And also very sad.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. “I am pretty sure that every women I have ever seen in yoga pants probably doesn’t do yoga. They just wear the yoga pants. ”

    I believe I’ve seen you wear running shoes every day and I don’t believe I’ve ever seen you running.



  5. Speaking as a lady, I think 90% of us are as irritated at the shortage of real pants for women as you are. Probably more so. More than once now I’ve tried on pants from the women’s section of a store to discover that the pockets were fake. FAKE! That should be illegal. Tempted to shop in the men’s section from now on.
    Anyway, I appreciate how observant you are of the people around you. You could be an anthropologist. Hah. People watching sure is interesting.
    P.S. – As for the “superficial, self-important, and overly entitled millennials” comment made earlier, I would like to gently state that I am a millennial currently relying on an unstable freelance income that hovers around the poverty line, do not have health insurance, and still make an effort to give to charitable causes and people who have less. Just, you know, throwing that out there.


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