Who are the people in your neighborhood?

Sorry, I heard this song today from Sesame Street and had to write this. I apologize to all those who will be offended by this. Kidding. I don't care. I have often been quoted as saying I don't like people. Well I don't. They are needy, pushy, and annoying. And, to be honest, I think...

The Detective and The Mysterious Case of the Half-Waffle

You thought it was never going to happen? You doubted me? Years of investigative training and experience and even then you thought this guy would never get this one. Oh sure he has solved multiple homicide cases with little or no evidence. Tracked down countless suspects who left the trail equivalent of a ghost. Sure...

No mas pantalones #6: Random thoughts of a man without pants.

My toaster died. Well, not "died" died. It has life in it. If you plug it in and turn it on it will power up. It's more like a bad case of dementia. More often than not it forgets to toast one side of the bread or just refuses to toast the sides equally with...

Mucho Brownies

My daughter Lauren likes to watch out for me. As I get older, however, she is under the mistaken assumption that I can no longer take care of myself. To be fair though, I do get in my moods where I "forget" to eat. And surely I don't like taking any medications I am supposed...

Inspiration Road

Inspiration Road. I don't know why it's called that. It cuts under the expressway in Mission, Texas and leads north through Mission or south towards Mexico. There isn't anything really inspiring about it as far as I can tell. I never really travel the road either. I remember it only as a lonely road with...

How not to write on WordPress (or anywhere else)

You should be writing, but you're not. You have updates to do, but you're just not feeling it today. Being on WordPress is not a job (except for those of you for which it is a job) and you probably should do what you can to enjoy it. It's supposed to be fun, right? Well...

The top 10 people that are going straight to hell when they die.

Not long ago I saw a movie called Walter. It was about a guy who thought he was given the authority to decide who would go to heaven or hell after they die. Well, today I am Walter. Here is my top ten list of those people that are going to hell. Make sure and...

Books I haven’t finished writing because I am too busy pretending to be a blogger.

I am kidding, of course. I am more than capable of pretending to be a blogger while pretending to write a book. Far be it from me to fail at just one thing at a time. I can fail miserably at several things simultaneously. It's a gift, really. Don't misunderstand, I have the "potential" to...

“Blogging is not writing. It’s just graffiti with punctuation.”

Blogging is not writing. It's just graffiti with punctuation. - from the movie Contagion Long before I started a blog I saw the movie Contagion, starring Matt Damon and that blonde girl (Iron Man's girlfriend) whose name I can never remember, and have no desire to Google. The movie was about a quick spreading and...

Top 10 things I tell my dog

Since getting a dog I have noticed I talk to him a lot. We don't actually have conversations. He doesn't talk back, of course,  but I talk to him anyway. I guess I talk to him because dogs, unlike cats and teenagers, actually listen. They always seem very interested in what you have to say....