The Randomness of Me 2 (thoughts from last week)

  1.  The Birds. I was reading a book on my balcony when I noticed a black bird flying back and forth from who knows where to the base of a large Mexican Oak tree in front of me. The tree blocks all view for me, but I don’t mind. The tree itself is a good view. It’s large and lush with green and I love the way the leaves talk to the wind on windy days. I can’t see through it but I can hear that many birds live in it. It’s trunk is not that large and has a flaky gray bark. Since they moved in the downstairs, the neighbors have put a large bowl by the tree to serve as bird bath. They also put a bird feeder in the tree. The bowl was a colorful one with a design at the bottom of it of a skeletal face. The design is similar to the kind you see as part of the custom of the “Day of the Dead” celebrations here and in Mexico, or possibly even the kind you see used by the same who dabble in the practice of  “Santeria” black magic. I was bothered by this. I was suspicious of  it and the people who put it there.  The bird went back and forth several times taking something to the bowl, dipping it in the water a few times until it was soaking wet, and then flying back up to a hidden nest in the tree. As it continued to do this I finally thought to myself that if it does not bother the bird then why should it bother me? I put it out of my mind and went back to my book (The Sense of an Ending – go read it). The next morning as I took Blue for a walk I walked past the tree and bowl and thought about it again. A few more feet past that I found a dead black bird. I had no idea if it was the same bird from the day before. There was no way to know.  I wondered about the bowl again. I wondered about the neighbors again. I wondered if Blue would try to eat the bird. I wondered if there was a nest of young baby black birds up in the tree wondering where their mother went. I wondered a lot of things. I kept going.
  2.  A Blue Look. My dog Blue awes me more often than not. I am struck by the way he sometimes looks at me. As a watcher of people I know how deceitful people can be20171206_175055[2779] in their actions and motives, and how they sometimes look past you every single time they pretend to look at you. But not dogs. They never look past you. When they watch you it is only you they see and nothing else. There is always a waiting in their eyes. Waiting for you to look back and see them the way they see you. Most people can’t look back that way. They don’t have it in them.
  3. The color of coffee. I wake up, lately, to my Keurig coffee machine every morning. Just out of the shower I throw a coffee pod in the machine (Donut Shop coffee, generic, not that snooty stuff, I ain’t all boujee like you guys) and by the time I’m dressed there is a hot “cup of joe” (is that still a thing?) waiting for me. I then add some strange sugar not sugar thingy. It’s one of those things that end in “via” Apparently you are not being cool if the name of your sugar does not end in “via” these days. I’m cool. Then I put in a 1/2 teaspoon of a Maxwell House International Hazelnut Café coffee. Yeah, that’s right. I add coffee to my coffee. I am not mortal. Anyway, after that I add about 1/2 teaspoon of plain Coffee-Mate creamer because, well,th8 “coffee” is also a color so it must look like the color “coffee”. Black coffee? No, don’t go there. Unless you are back in the Lonesome Dove days and your cowboy crew from the Hat Creek Cattle Company are brewing it over a campfire before it’s time to move the herd up to Montana. Or if you’re in prison and your “cellie” Bubba already used all the creamer (yeah, that’s not good). Otherwise you turn you coffee into the beautiful color it should be. No excuses.
  4. My ouchie is better than your ouchie. Having been a cop I have seen my share of bullet wounds. This week I watched Tears of the Sun (2003) again. It’s one of my all time favorite guy movies. Bruce Willis and ten Special Ops guys vs. one thousandth angry and well armed Nigerian soldiers makes for a fun film. In one scene in the movie one of the special ops guys gets shot by a sniper. He says, “I’m alright. It went straight through.” What the hell? I always get a kick out of that when I hear that in a movie. I understand that a bullet out of the body is better than one in the body. Still, if I got a bullet through me and the guy next to me got one in him I think I’d be like “What you crying about? I  have both an entrance wound and an exit wound! You can literally see right through me right now you big cry baby!”
  5. The hazards of reading. Hanging on the wall of an old church in Sweden, just north of the town of Kungsbacka, is a commissioned oil painting of the family of vicar Gustag Fredrick Hjortberg and his family. The portrait depicts Gustaf, his wife Elena, and their 15 children. The picture was painted somewhere in the 1770’s and only people with money could ever have something  like that made for them. I only know of this picture because I found it in a book of paintings I picked up as I sat innCrWVBX14JiCkwRE5Ph9gF8LfS6 a library waiting for a class nearly 40 years ago. The portrait was standard of the times with all the boys standing or sitting next to their father and all the girls with their mother. The peculiar thing in this portrait was that some of the boys and girls were shown only partially. Half a face here and there behind the shoulders of others, one of  the boys turned completely away, a baby in a cradle in the back with only part of it’s face showing. I remember thinking this was strange, but nothing more than that and I never thought of that portrait again. Today, 40 years later and while driving, I saw a strange cloud partially hidden behind another cloud and it seemed peculiar to me, and reminded me of that portrait I saw in that one book long ago. There really wasn’t enough there in those clouds to remind me of that portrait, I thought, but it did. What triggers old memories in me has never made sense to me.  The next day, being the Googling fool that I am, I did the research and found that portrait again, and discovered the reason for the strangeness. The children, the ones who were only partially visible, had all been long dead at the time of the painting. Hjortberg wanted them in portrait anyway. I don’t know why I didn’t see it back then. I know it was just a glance in a book decades ago, but still, it was all there. The dead children half in and out of the shadows like all dead are. Stuck between yesterday and today.  It was all there.
  6. Well hello you!  When thinking of things long past there seems to always be an effort to go back as far as you can and try and remember where it all started. I did that today. Sitting outside on my front porch one late afternoon I learned a secret I would keep for the next 47 years.  A lady I had never seen before walked up to where I was sitting and said “Well hello you!”. If I said anything back to her I don’t remember. She then walked in my house to talk to my mom.  But I do remember getting hit hard by some unexpected insight. It occurred to me there for the very first time that I was me. Separate and  apart from everyone and everything else, I was me. I was me and no matter what else happens only I would have ever been me. If I went away somewhere and my parents wanted another son they could get one, but that son would never be me because only I was me. I was the only me. Maybe people out there, my brothers and sisters, were maybe themselves also, but they were not me. No one was me but me. Life suddenly became quite the serious matter. Still kind of is.  I never told anyone about that. I have no idea who the lady was.
  7. There is no #7.
  8. E tu chocolate? I hate it when people offer me chocolate with stuff in it. What do I think of the stuff in it? Doesn’t matter. Whatever it is it’s just something taking up space where chocolate should be. Almonds? Just taking up chocolate space. Raisins? CrunchJust taking up space where chocolate should be. Oh, and please never offer me a Crunch chocolate bar. You know, the kind with Rice Krispies in it? That is literally chocolate with little air balls in it. Again, chocolate with balls of air in it where there should be chocolate. What’s wrong with you people? You need Jesus.
  9. La musique. This last week, for reasons I still can’t fathom, I went around singing the French song La Mer for days.  Mostly in my head, but sometimes out loud. Which is a strange thing because it’s French and I don’t know French. I am pretty sure I got every word wrong. And I am pretty sure it bares an uncanny resemblance to “Beyond the Sea” by Bobby Darin so I could have just sang that all week long if I had wanted to. But no,  I went for the French song. I felt like Donald Trump trying to sing the national anthem. I was like “La Mer…blah blah blah blaaah…French fries…blah blah blah blaaah…French toast…blah blah blah blaaah” and so on. Dammit. It’s back in my head again.
  10. Drowning in the ocean. I watched the new movie Ocean’s 8. Don’t watch it. No good can come of it.


Hope all you readers are having a great week. Thanks for stopping by and reading my mishmash of random thoughts from last week. I actually wrote down about 40 of them. These were the more sane ones.  The grandkids are here. We’re gonna go look for dragons. I just happen to know where there are some around here.  Laters.

8 thoughts on “The Randomness of Me 2 (thoughts from last week)

Add yours

  1. Thanks, as usual you made me smile, a lot.
    A smile is always a great gift, thanks.
    Tell us about those dragons, please.

    1-Either the water was poisoned and the little ones were dead too (sad sigh), or there weren’t little ones. They are pretty noisy when hungry, you’d have noticed (I think).
    2-Most of the time people is too worried to look AT you. In the society I grew up it’s usual that when you do that the other person raises the voice “hey, I’m talking to you so look at me”, no one is mad, is just the way we are and understand how easy is for our minds to fly away. When I do that here people frown. I pay attention and most of the time they get suspicious, what does she want, what is she seeing. Here they prefer dogs to look at them that way, no people. Craving for attention but they freak out when you offer that, not used to it I guess.
    3-Black Coffee, that’s the real thing. Coffee and cows are both from the Middle East but I don’t know how they had it. New goals for a researcher (crazy smile).
    4-Agree, those badasses seem to have no nerves, literally. That shit must hurt tremendously.
    5-Wow, that’s scary, those 18th-century rich white guys were creepy.
    6-Interesting moment that came back to you. I remember mine too, actually, there are a few. I also remember this one when I realized I’d die no matter what, those are intense moments.
    7-Love that number.
    8-AGREEEEE, stop putting things on that divine’s gift from heaven.
    9-I do the same with songs in English, lol. Sometimes when I know the lyrics I get so disappointed, I was imagining the most magical message delivered with a great melody.
    10-I’ll watch it, sounds good (another crazy smile).

    I wonder what do you think about our random answers. If they are welcomed or seen as annoying.

    Thanks for the smiles and the thoughts. Are interesting, and funny, and real.


    Liked by 1 person

    1. I am always thrilled when you stop by to read my stories. Your comments are always uplifting, well, except for that #6 response. I had not yet accepted I would die no matter what…gee thanks for that. lol.


  2. I just love birds and nature neighbor 🙂 sorry if the design of their pool/ drinking water bothered you.. we are nice people though 😛 Your blog is great!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Turns out our neighbors are great people. It’s the birds that are crazy. Thank you for reading!


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